About my relationship...

With God. There are things I reeeeaaallly have trouble trusting Him to take care. The biggest one, up until now, was the right timing for children. I really doubted that He would even allow me to have children, because even though I wanted them really badly, I didn't see myself as deserving of that blessing. So that was one thing I struggled with. Before I got pregnant, I had determined that I would quit my job if I ever did get pregnant because I wanted to do everything I could to keep the pregnancy. Then...I got pregnant. At this point, I had to do my best to trust God that He would do what He thought best for me. Everyday has been a struggle to trust Him that I will have a healthy baby in July. And on top of that, I have continued to work. I know that the longer I work, the more money we will have for our baby. And I believe that God will honor my decision to continue working for our baby, despite my fears about my pregnancy and health. I am choosing to trust God with this, even if every ounce of my being says quit and take it easy. So far, things are going really well. I'm 5 weeks pregnant today. Things seem completely normal and I am still having all pregnancy symptoms. I count every day a blessing and gift from God. I'm so so excited about what is to come. And when I think about the fact that I will have a living, breathing baby in my arms by July...I am just in awe. God is SO good. And on top of this, I have fallen more and more in love with my husband. Something about pregnancy has given me these amazing feelings toward my husband. He really is a dream come true...as is our lives together. I have such a wonderful man and I am so thankful God brought us together.

Daily pregnancy story: Today I had an 8 hour shift at work. When I got home around 9pm, I sat down with my puppies. Dash came up to me and I just started bawling, telling him that I loved him so much. Then Marley came over and I cried even harder. I was just so happy I was home with them again, because today for some reason, was especially hard being away from my "babies". I just love them so much and the emotions overflowed today. Thanks Baby Balough!

Is it real?

Sometimes it doesn't feel real. Yet other times, I'm very aware of what's happening and the changes that are coming. These hormones are crazy, let me tell ya. I've never experienced anything like it. One minute, I'm fine...and the next, I'm crying because the clean sheets still have to be put on the bed so I can actually sleep in it. It's times like that when I'm so thankful for my husband, because he just takes me in his arms and lets me cry, then gets me to talk about what's wrong or why I'm overwhelmed. After that, I'm all better again. I never used to get SO upset over something so tiny as getting off the couch to feed the dogs, or making the bed, or even the way the dishwasher was loaded! My, how things have changed. And I get even more upset when I try to put on a pair of jeans and they BARELY fit, because as soon as I got pregnant...I became really bloated. So these days, my wardrobe has consisted of stretchy pants. They are comfortable and I'm happy. Being pregnant is going to be one heck of an adventure. Good in alot of ways, bad in some. Right now, I'm just trying to cope with the emotional changes and that's a feat in and of itself. Poor Paul. And I still have no idea what each day will hold. Will I start having bad morning sickness? Will I have to quit my job because of it? Will we be able to save as much as I want to without having a job?

I'm just going to take it day by day and be thankful for everything going on right now. I am soooooo happy that I'm pregnant and we are going to have a baby next year. It's so exciting. And Paul will have a newborn when he turns 28. That makes me smile! He will have a child before 30, like he always wanted. God is so good and His timing is TOTALLY perfect. I am seeing that clearly now. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow :-)

The joy that came: PREGNANT!

Well...the time finally came and I am officially pregnant! I just could not believe what I was seeing when I saw this plus sign. This really is a miracle and we could not be more happy. Paul and I believed in receiving a little gift from God whenever HE deemed us ready. We didn't want to prevent it or wait like most couples do. That's just our convictions though. We are sooo excited about Baby Balough!!

After I took the above pregnancy test on October 21st, I still wasn't too conviced. So I went and bought another one. Sure enough, positive! And a few days later the line was even darker. Such a dream come true.

And below: my happy face.

Some of you know that a while ago, I found out I was pregnant...then 3 days later, I started my period. I was crushed. It was a big high, then super low time. One of my friends reminded me of this song. I clung to these lyrics:

"Would you dare, would you dare to believe that you've still got a reason to sing. Because the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. Press on and just fight the good fight. Because the pain that you've been feeling is just the dark before the morning."

These lyrics are so true for whatever anyone goes through. It gets better and faith gets you through. I am so glad God had a bright bright morning waiting for me :-)